Lacking

There isn't much material around for postings to the Internets, so bear with me while I wax philosophic for a bit.

I always considered my time less than important as I progressed through college, and I always thought that working a 9-5 wouldn't do too much to change that.

Now, however, I find myself clinging to some semblance of an interesting life, and hating it at the same time. I try to get around as much as possible; go far and away on the weekends, get out and about on the weekdays, but I always end up feeling drained. I'm not sure if this is due to my inevitable trek into time, or if it is just oh so taxing to work a full week in a cube farm.

I guess that it is most likely a combination of the two, but I am skirting the main issue, the effect. I end up slowly losing my interest in being many things, doing as much as I can, seeing everything, gaining vast amounts of knowledge, and generally building up calluses on all the parts of my body.

At once I find the prospect of losing this drive frightening and enticing, for the same reason that I find religious pursuit frightening and enticing: comfort.

Comfort has a lot going for it, it allows you to be easygoing and happy. It also has a lot going against it, things that people tend to forget, like keeping an edge to yourself, being ready for life when it decides to punch you in the gut or give you a French-kiss.

This is what frightens me so much, that I am getting too comfortable for my own good. I feel like I have traded my interest in many things for a plate of few, as if I were giving up my desire to try every fruit in nature for the ability to eat one or two without being forced to find it myself.

I can't help but feel nostalgic, as this is the same sense of fear and loss that I felt once I realized that I was less interested in video games than I was in High School. Odd, I know, but every gamer knows of that which I refer to.

Perhaps it is simply an ingrained distrust of anything good that happens to me, or maybe I just feel like there's a lot to get done. Somehow I doubt it, though. I feel like if I can find some kind of activity activator, I can keep my endangered interest from becoming extinct, so that it may flourish at a later date when I don't have to worry about Lawyers' websites on a daily basis.

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